By Russ Pyles
If golf is a gentlemen’s game, then why did they invite me?
I play less than six rounds of golf each year, thus a chance to schedule 36 holes with my old college buddy, Geoff in southeastern Florida was highly anticipated. We have staged some glorious clashes over the last 40 years. The fact that our first round was booked at the exquisite Tesoro Golf Club in Port St Lucie really made it a treat, plus the price was right. College buddies who can arrange complimentary golf at a high-end private facility like Tesoro are priceless.
Joining us for the round were a couple of weathered golf writers, Mike and Fred. Although Mike is extremely well traveled in his role as a scorer with the LPGA Tour, he became completely discombobulated, when the starter asked us to begin play on the back nine. Mike’s Mulligan on that first tee was richly deserved. I sincerely hope he did not injure any alligators in that swamp.
The course was immaculate, there were no other golfers in sight and the only reason the round took 4.5 hours to play was the cumulative total of our foursome approached the half a millennium mark.
My round started with a tap in par, followed by a quadruple-9, a birdie two and another par. Consistency on the course is not one of my forte’s. Back-to-back sevens were followed with many more 3-putt bogies than tap in pars.
Fred is definitely a believer in ‘Play it Forward’ and created his own course by playing from the “Fred Combo Tees.” He missed very few fairways and chipping close for a crack at par with tap in bogies was Fred’s modus operandi.
Geoff, who spent nearly a week with his coach refining his swing over the winter had his new game on full display with a “best shot of the year” arching hybrid from the light rough on the par 5 second hole. Immediately after flushing the shot and while the ball was still rising, Geoff exclaimed, “It doesn’t get any better than that!”
Unfortunately, that proved prophetic as his Par-Par start quickly dissipated with a triple on the third hole and concluded with seven sixes over the final 10 holes.
Mike’s birdie two at the par 3 brought the match close and the air was punctuated by a battle roar he learned while playing Scrum Half for the Florida Gator rugby team. It was scary and beautiful all at the same time. Tiger Woods’ fist pump has nothing on Mike’s celebratory machinations.
My round was encapsulated on the 17th hole. Best drive of the day followed by the best fairway wood of the day followed by the best 9 iron of the day to within 4 feet followed by a pull-shank putt that missed so far short and left that Fred actually laughed out loud and said he thought he had seen everything in his 70 plus years, but now he was sure he had.
You know the old saying if you have to ask the price, you probably can’t afford it. At the turn, Fred insisted on paying for my 1.5 oz bag of Beef Jerky. Fred’s face turned as white as a brand new ProV1 when he saw the damage for a small bag of jerky and a pack of peanut butter crackers. I saw him text his retirement fund administrator for an advance to cover the tab.
Even with our inconsistent play, Geoff and I were able to win the day over our playing companions.
Apres Golf
We adjourned to a local sports bar for recaps, jokes and hilarious stories. I, being a good Samaritan, picked up the tab without hesitation. The one thing I learned from Mike and Fred about their golf is,
“If they have to pay, they don’t play.”
I figured there was no way they would ever pay for their meals and since Geoff had arranged the golf, taking care of the bill for these guys seemed like the natural thing to do.
What a guy, right? I can be a gentleman.
The Second Day
What should have been a 40-minute drive to the course on the second day turned into a 1.5 hour marathon, when I realized I had left my laptop at Geoff’s house. I blame Geoff because he had laid extra blankets and pillows on top of it. Thus, there was very little time to warm up before heading to the first tee.
This round was at a public course, The Champions Club at Summerfield, a far cry from Tesoro. There were golfers everywhere! The local chapter of the First Tee was holding an event and there were kids everywhere. The parents shouted encouragement, while course rangers barked orders. We quickly fell behind the pace after only 3 holes. It takes time to complete a hole when the group is slicing and dicing their way to three triples and a quad.
After a botany lesson from Fred about the miracles of a seemingly dead palm tree growing new roots. Geoff continued his string of sixes while I managed three seven’s, plus a pair of sixes for a full house. Miraculously, Geoff and I halved the front nine because Fred found himself with bogie putts that were just outside the friendship zone, plus nothing seemed to want to go into the hole.
On the back nine, Geoff rekindled his passion for the game while lugging me and my double bogies on his back. After falling two down with five holes to play, a par cut it to one, but Mike’s par on the 15th put us two down in the match once again with three to play. An amazing sandy on 16 cut the lead to one. When the extra energy from the Snickers, I had choked down, kicked into gear on the final hole, I smashed a drive, striped a 5-wood, nipped a wedge then followed with two putts to halve the match.
This, however, seemingly went unnoticed by Fred and Mike as Fred was imparting deep golf wisdom to Mike in the fairway. Evidently, he had finally seen too many of his partner’s errant efforts scorching the earth, or sailing into the ever-present water hazards. Something needed to be done about it.
We walked off the 18th green feeling we had certainly got our money’s worth. I enjoyed the company immensely and my hope is to spend another 36 holes with these guys someday, it was a hoot.
When all we see on the golf news today is professional golfers grabbing for every million dollars they can get, its nice to return what is really important. Golf is meant to be played as a friendly competition among friends and that is exactly what we had for two wonderful days in Florida.
Notable Quotes Heard on the Course
Fred’s statement, “the key to good play is deceleration” was put to practice on both days. Another gem, “hitting greens in regulation is highly overrated” will stick with me forever. I can only hope to be as consistent as Fred once I hit 70 plus. Must be all the GMO’s he’s ingested?
Mike made it clear from our opening tee shot that, “A good round is finishing with more golf balls than you started with.” He had hit so many errant shots in the junk, that he found success, leaving with way more balls than he began with. Although not his best golf, Mike’s positive attitude never waivered. He was as an enthusiastic golf partner both days.
Geoff, who displayed remarkable patience throughout the 36 holes, finally lamented on the cart ride to the parking lot, when he proclaimed,
“If I even think I will ever play like this again, I won’t even bother to tee off.”
All was quickly forgotten, however, as he booked his next tee time before we threw our sticks in the trunk of his car.
After two days of golf and more shots than I care to admit, my seven-hour drive back to Tallahassee seemed like a daunting task. I kept myself busy by going over each shot from both days and arrived home before I knew it.
In retrospect, despite losing more golf balls than I had anticipated possible, I kept harking back to the one mantra that has served millions of golfers for years, “A bad day on the golf course is better than a good day at the office.”
That is what keeps bringing me back, plus free golf doesn’t hurt either.
